Joke

Haven't been feeling well lately, and nothing else to post so here's a funny joke for your enjoyment.

"Squawks" are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (complaint)
(S) = Solution (reply)

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal #1,#3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

Observations

Human beings need touch. As small babies and all through life, touch is one of the most basic needs of people. A lot of people don't realize how much touch has the power to help or harm another person. Some people say, that if you hold a baby too much, it will get spoiled. This is not true. First of all. babies need the touch to stimulate their growth, a baby not held, will not grow as well. Secondly, It builds the baby's trust in people. By holding it, you are at the deepest level, assuring it that there is safety and warmth and a place for it to come to. And we don't lose this need as we get older, we just are told to curb it, that we should not show our desire for human conact. There are people who crave to be touched, to without a word being used, be told that they are special, that they matter. Touch can convey things mere words never can. I am a very touch-oriented person. Not that I go around touching all people, or even most people. But everyday, at least once a day, I hug my mother. That might not seems like much, but it charges and energizes, both the hugger, and huggee. So go ahead, hug someone, or just touch someone, smile, and let them know that just because they are human, they are special.

Slightly Frustrating Day

Most of today went okay...got up on time, went to class, came home, took my brother from school home (no work today, his "work" was closed for a purim carnival), went to gym....whatever. All good. Then I had to go to Ocenagraphy Lab. First I accidentally get off the highway at the wrong exit, sending me in the completely opposite direction, toward one of my college's other campuses, that I also take classes at. So, I decide to go on one of the main roads, to get back on the highway. So I do so, one problem, it completely takes me past the exit I had needed to get off at. So I get off at the next exit up, head to another main road, and finally get to the campus, and I'm only a couple of minutes late. Still, the whole "going around in circles" thing was a bit annoying, and I was kicking myself the entire time for having gone in the wrong direction in the first place. Class ends early, yay, I leave. Ok, fast forward a bit. I get home. Find the kitten on my brothers shtender looking up at something on the curtain railing. I think, "Gee, that's unusual, she never goes up there. What's she looking at?" So I look up, and there on the curtain railing is Baby Bird. Somehow, not entirely sure how, he managed to get out of his cage, and had apparently been flying around a bit to avoid the cats. *sigh* I locked up all the other animals in the family room, while I captured Baby, and tried to put him back in his cage. Capturing him was relatively easy, he flew right into the net, however, he did not want to go into his cage. He finally did go, and I paper-clipped shut his food and water dish openings, since I think that's the only way he could have gotten out. A rather frustrating time all told. I can't wait for shabbos.

Take Me Out to Bais Yaakov

To the tune of "Take me out to the ballpark."

Take me out to Bais Yaakov,
Take me out to the crowds.
Buy me some knee socks and safety pins
Don't you worry my shirt is tucked in
'Cause it's root root root for the 9th grade
If they're not here it's a shame.
Cause it's one, two, three more years in BY Miami!

A little ditty my class used to sing. Worked best when we were in ninth grade. Sadly, it faded into oblivion after we left. Pity that, could have been a great BYM tradition.

Happy Purim!

I hope everyone had an easy fast, and enjoy the chag! I'm dressing up as a pirate, and my brother is going to be, of all things, a homeless person! Apparently one of his friends manged to convince to dress up as that. Chag Sameach, savvy?

Things to do in Florida

This is a guide, if you will, to things you can do, not only in south florida, but up in Tampa and Orlando as well!

South Florida:

Malls: Aventura Mall - a rather pricy, but very nice, very large mall, everyone who come down here goes there at least once.

Sunset Place Mall - a very nice mall, further south in Kendall, all outdoorsy and it always reminds me of Disney World, lots of shops, and lots of fun.

Sawgrass Mills Mall - It's a bit farther north in Plantation, it's a gigantic mall, all outlet stores, just if you go there, plan to spend the day, you MIGHT be able to go through the whole mall.

Random Fun Places:

Everglades - pretty much anyone who comes down here wants to see the Everglades with the alligators and the cougars and all that fun stuff. Here's a hint: do NOT go during the summer, unless you want to be eaten alive by bugs. The airboats are fun, and the alligators are cool.

Butterfly World - I haven't been there in years, so I might be going on outdated infornation here.
A gigantic place full of lots and lots and lots of butterflies. That pretty much describes it.

Lion Country Safari - a type of zoo, up in West Palm Beach, but there's a place where you can drive through very slowly, where the animals are wandering free and can come up very close to your car. It's very cool, lots of fun, not just for kiddies.

Miami Seaquarium - our local aquarium,down in Key Biscayne, has lots of shows with dolphins, seals, orca. Very nice large aquariums, can watch fish and sharks and stuff bein fed. Very nice place, but very hot in the summer, so bring a lot to drink.

Ft. Lauderdale Museum of Science and Discovery- A really nice museum, up in FT. Lauderdale, has a gigantic clock outside that's run by gravity. Very cool place to spend a few hours, it also has an IMAX theater.

Jungle Island - used to be Parrot Jungle Island, but changed it's name shortly after it relocated to Miami Beach. Lots of shows with animals, lots of birds, orangutans, tigers, gigantic crocs and alligators. Occasionaly have concerts there.

Monkey Jungle - A bit like Parrot Jungle as it was before it moved, but i can't say more than that I haven't been there in years.

Northern/Central Florida:

Kennedy Space Center - Gigantic space rockets, and the history of space flight. An interesting place to spend the day.

MOSI - In my opinion, the best museum in Florida, with 5 floors of interesting stuff, and fantastic hands-on things for the kids to play with. Not just kids, anyone would love it. It has an IMAX theater as well, with a rounded screen, don't watch anything that has to do with water if you're prone to getting sea-sick.

Busch Gardens - Theme park/zoo. Roller coasters, and there is a whole lot of stuff to do. Not much that I need to say on it.

Adventure Island - Universal Studios other half, the one with all the roller coasters. I really like the roller coasters there.

Universal Studios - Not really an thrilling rides, except for some of the classics.

Disney (All four parks) - Need I say any more than that?

Downtown Disney - Shopping .

Seaworld - Aquarium/ theme park. Shamu, dolphins, rollercoasters, whales. All fun.

St. Augustine - the first established city in Florida, an intersting historical place to tour around. Er....lots of cemeteries also.

And that, I believe ends my very biased little guide of interesting things to do in florida. Enjoy the lovely "Sunshine State" (Note: Except in Summer)

My Brother is a Pyromaniac

He is obsessed with fire, and with setting stuff on fire. He has, in the past, set his own shirt on fire, while he was wearing it, set the street on fire, and tonight he got his hands on a lighter and he was setting tissues on fire and then putting them out in the toilet. He likes fireworks, firecrackers, and loud bangy things. Is it just me, or is my brother completely loco?

Update: He stayed up till four in the morning on motzei shabbos and learned how to set his own hand on fire. On the other hand, his eventual goal apparently, is to be able to do it for Bar Mitzvahs and Weddings. That's got to count for something.But I still think he is insane.

More Zoo Pics

More pics from the zoo, finally got blogger to cooperate. Enjoy!

Pretty Bird!


Asian or African Elephant, can't recall which


In the petting zoo, they had this for the ducks. It was funny to watch them swim in it.


Spotted Hyena


And of course, my favorite, TIGERS!!!

The

It's interesting. I've noticed that where people live certain things become "the something" even when there is more than one of them in an area. In the area where I live there is "the bridge", "the circle" and "the canal" despite the fact that there are several bridges,several circles, and several canals, yet whne you say "the ____" anyne who lives in that area knows exactly what you are talking about. I went down to "the beach" yesterday, and everyone knows that when I say that, I meant Miami Beach, not necessarily beach beach. Anyone else find that's true where they live as well?

Continuation of "Another random story"

So, I guess I'll continue it anyways and see where it leads me and my readers. I like writing stories becasue sometimes when I'm writing the character will do something totally unexpected, when I wanted him/her to do otherwise, like in my story with CJ, unfortunately, one of our characters is being very frustrating right now and won't let us in her head. So that's a major. Anyways, on with the story!
" The butcher shop was small, and smelled of meat, hide, and other things I would rather not think about. When we walked in, we were greeted by one of the butcher's apprentices. I groaned, it was the gloomy one. He had a rather pessimistic view on life and had a tendency to share it with whoever walked in the door. Tell him any good thing, and he's point out all the flaws, or predict that something horrible would happen. As one would imagine, not a very cheerful person to know. "Oh, it's you. Mister Gerd is out back, he said he had something for you. It's probably not very nice." On top of it all, he had a very nasal sounding voice, which juist made me want to punch him every time he spoke. He left the room, presumably to get Mister Gerd. I looked around, the shop, trying to calculate the amount of damage I could do if left for just one hour in there. My brother, Plias, seemed to read my thoughts. He put his hand on my shoulder, "Don't even think it." "Awww. You're such a spoilsport!" At that moment Mister Gerd came in. "Ah! Plias and Sminetra! And how is your mother? Here for the usual? I just got in a beautiful hunk of meat..." he kept talking like that the entire time. I winced. I HATE being called by my full name, I prefer to be called Smina, or Smin, the only people who call me by full name are my brothers when they get mad at me, or my father. My mother never uses it, probably because she never wanted it to be my name in the first place. Soon, we were on our way, both carrying large packages of smelly meat. "Yurgh, I hate this part," I complained. Plias scowled at me. "You hush, it's your fault that we were stuck with this task."
And that's where I'll end it for now. We'll see how it progresses!

Another Random Story

This one popped into my head during Ocaenography while my teacher was doing a review. Yet another random story that pops into my head. Enjoy!

"Beyond the world's end lies your most ardent desires as well as your most desperate fears. I have been told this for as long as I can remember. When I was a small child, my mother took me to the village's shaman to have my fortune told, as was the traditon of my family. The Shaman toldher these words, and said that one day I was destined to go beyond the world's end to places where no one had ever been before. Pffft. Anyways, I had been trained for every eventuality, except, of course, for the one that actually happened. Despite the fact that I was a girl, and a rather stubborn one at that, they put me through sword training, mountain climbing, survival skills, pretty much anything they could think of. I think the one thing they forgot was that no one really knew what was beyond the world's end, so it was kind of hard to prepare for that,no matter how much training. The events that precipitated my start toward my "destiny" were a bit earlier than I think anyone expected. It was my fifteenth summer, and my mother had sent me off to the market to retrieve some meat for dinner from the butcher. Mainly though, I think it was just to get me out of her hair. I was very much a tomboy, and got into trouble pretty often. I went to town with one of my brothers who was not in my mother's good graces that day, so she had sent him to keep me on the job. We walked into the butchers store, the cowbell that was tied to the door clanging loudly, announcing our arrival for all and sundry."

To be honest I have a bit more of an outline in my head, and it's already changed from what I originally put down on paper. Let me know if you think it's worth continuing. I may keep putting up installments.

Nightmare

Last night I had my first nightmare in years. The last time I can recall having a nightmare was when I was 5 yrs old, and I woke up screaming. I even remeber what the nightmare was, very vividly. But last night's nightmare was different. It was more realistic than any other, and all the more terrifying because of that. In the nightmare I almost died, no, I was going to die, but I woke up right before I did. As you can imagine, I was not able to go back to sleep after that, I kept waking up. And it has put me in a very depressed mood all day. I don't like nightmares.

Flight

I turn my face to the wind, coming out of the east. I make a running leap and spread my wings. One beat, two beats, up and down, slowly I gain hieght. Below me I see people running, going places, cars, houses, tall buildings. I soar higher and higher, as high as my wings will take me. I relish the feel of the rush of the wind against my face, and tickling the feathers in my wings. I soar above the clouds, higher than the tallest mountains. Higher and higher, and higher still. I soar.

I open my eyes.... I awake from a dream, that I had wished would never end.

NOOOOO!!!

I start school again tomorrow! I don't want to go!!! Spring Break was so nice, but it is now ending, unfortunatley. Oh well, all I have to do is tell myself just two more months of this. Just two more months. Gah. Y'know, if I could just drop two classes my life would be so much easier....but it's too late to drop 'em. Bah. Anyways, last night I went to a dinner that was honoring my mother as "Educator of the Year" and that was very nice, and she got a plaque that had been made by the kids of the school. Lots of fun, and of course I was so happy for my mom, she should be recognized for everything she does. (And she does a LOT, believe me.) Oh, I've started making dinner for our family and I haven't botched anything up yet, so yay! Completely random, I know, I'm in a random mood. There was something else I wanted to say, but I forgot it....oh, well, I'll probably post this and only then remember it. Well, that's all for now! Ta-Ta!

Zoo Pictures!

Whoa, I took a lot of pictures at the zoo. 183! That's a lot for me, I don't usually take more than 3 or 4 at a time, anyways, I'll put up some of my faves. Enjoy!

Rattlesnake (the reptiles were pretty active, it was cool to watch this fella curl up on a rock)

Really, REALLY big snake

Crocodile (I think, it could be an alligator, but judging from it's snout, I'd say croc)

Tapir (It was so cute, it was just sitting there wriggling it's nose)

Meerkat! I love 'em, they are so gosh-darn CUTE!!!

And apparently Blogger won't let me add more pics to this post, or it's just not cooperating right now. I'll put up some more later.

Fun Day

I did my mother a favor yesterday and took one of her teachers and four boys down to the Metro Zoo. Fortunately I was just the driver and was not required to supervise them as well. So I was able to go throught the zoo at my own pace, and do whatever I felt like. So I wandered the entire zoo, got wet from the rainshowers, but that was good, because it was a bit humid, and I took tons of pictures. Many of them of tigers (no big surprise there) Went around on the tram twice because it still wasn't time to meet them back by the exit, and then we left. Later I went to the BY production, ansd sat with the rebetzin who was intsrumental in my family's becoming frum, and some other women. The play was pretty good, though fairly predictable (we are talking BY after all) and there were some cute parts. All in all, a fairly good day. Will put up pictures from the zoo once I upload my camera on the computer.

The Beach

I went to the beach yesterday, after dropping off my brother at a Segway place. It was pretty fun, considering I haven't been to the beach in at least 6 months. I walked along in the sand, ruined my shoes and almost fell in the water a couple of times. The beach was STEEP. No one actaully went into the water because the purple flag was up, which meant there were "dangerous marine animals". I got to take some photos, and I'll put some up. Enjoy!

*Grin*

Goats in School
At a high School in Montana a group of students played a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose in the school building.
Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, 4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for goat #3.

Have you ever seen...

a chicken crossing the road? I saw one today, and it had to be one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. There is a good reason why there are so many jokes with "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Now, I don't know why this one was crossing the road, and at a busy intersection at that, but it was just too funny to see it's little legs going as fast as the chicken could make it. Like I said, a very funny sight to behold.