Perhaps I haven't been as clear as I should have. I love my brother, and I know that I have a much closer relationship with him than some girls do with thier brothers. I do tend to whinge and complain about his OCD and how it makes life difficult for me, but life is a whole bunch of tests and this is one that I have to go through. However, because I never complain about it out loud, except to my therapist, I need a place to let it out. As to him finding this blog....in all honesty, I really REALLY doubt it. He goes on fishing forums and gun forums. He does not look at other blogs, unless I showed it to him...which I would most likely never do. When I started this blog, my idea was to be able to use it as a journal for my feelings. I don't usually showcase my feelings here, but last night...actually that was as a remnder to me to talk to my therapist about it. She'll say what's been going on with your mother and stepfather. I'll go: I don't remember. I'm afraid I'm shutting it out on purpose, because it's unpleasant. My mother knows I have this blog, and she encourages me to write on it, so does my therapist. One of the reasons I want to go into therapy is help people like my brother. My brother is a good person, even if he goes through some rough times. But the only thing is, what you see on my blog is the rough stuff. He learns with a kid younger than him, he's taken several kids under his wing. I know of at least one boy who would very likely go off the derech if not for my brother. My brother has his own terrific mentors, who I admire and respect for helping him, even when he's going through his hardest time. So perhaps I shouldn't have posted what I did yesterday. I've taken it down, and thank you anonymous, I think I needed to post this.