Jewish Zen

* If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

* Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

* Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip ... joy. With thesecond ... satisfaction. With the third, peace. With the fourth, a Danish.

* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."

* The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing ofothers. The Tao is not Jewish.

* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this andattaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

* Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

* To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

* The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha saysthere is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.