My VBAC Experience

I had a baby girl on January 18th, 2013. It was the most incredible experience I've ever had, since I felt cheated of my son's birth, of being "forced" into having a C-section with him. I was in labor for over 48 hours, and most of that time was not even in the hospital. On Wednesday, the 16th, I went for acupuncture, as I was already 41 1/2 weeks. That jump-started the labor. The contractions didn't start to get closer together however until Thursday evening. At that point, I dropped YE off with a neighbor, since Josh was still at work. I sat at home on my birthing ball and breathed through each contraction. I called my doula and she came at around 6. Josh got home at 7:30 and helped me down to the car, where my mother was going to drive me to the hospital. The contractions were 3-4 minutes apart by then. Josh was to watch YE and my mother and doula would help me labor. We got to the hospital (longest 20 minute car ride of my life) and went to the Labor & Delivery. We were told to wait until a bed in triage was open so they could check me. In the meantime, I bounced on the birthing ball and did my calming exercises from Hypnobabies. After a few minutes of this, my mother suggested we go walking to help me progress (another longest 20 minutes of my life). When we got back, a bed had opened up in the triage unit. As the nurse was checking me, my water broke. Thank goodness for that, because otherwise they were going to suggest sending me home since I wasn't as far along as they would have liked. After another half-hour, I was finally given a room. I labored through the night, using the bathtub with jets, different positions, and it just kept getting harder and harder. At one point, I was just whimpering "I can't do this, I can't do this" I asked for an epidural at around 3 I think and finally got one at around 6 am. After that I passed out and slept blissfully for 5 hours. When I woke up I had progressed to 5 cm. After a few more hours of easy laboring I realized the epidural was wearing off on one side. The pain was the worst I have ever known. I begged for something to alleviate the pain, and my wish was granted. At around this time, it was already about 3pm on Friday afternoon. We had no idea whether the baby would come in the next few minutes or after Shabbos had already begun. My mother stepped out of the room to call Josh and ask him to bring food and clothes (for her) for Shabbos. While my mother was out of the room, the doctor checked me again and said, "let's try to start pushing.." My mother came back to the room and abut 45 minutes later, my beautiful baby girl was pushed into the world. 5 minutes after that, Josh walked into the room with YE, and got to meet our amazing little girl. So did YE, although I don't think he had a clue what was going on.


I realize that unless you've gone through something like it yourself, it's not so easy to relate to, but I felt like I should put it out there. If only to remind myself from time to time of what an amazing experience it was. I should also add what my husband's memory of the experience was: " MAK goes to Hospital, and has a baby. The End"

Topics of Conversation (in a blog)

What to write? Yet another "Mommy blog", and be just one among thousands? Witty diatribes about politics and current events? As anyone who knows me in real life could tell you, I don't have a clue about either of those things. When I sit down and look at the empty page before me, my mind; which was roiling with thoughts just moments before, goes blank. As someone who now rarely gets time to just sit and type on the computer, each moment spent thinking of a subject is a moment gone, and does not bring me closer to actually typing anything out. Perhaps a monologue on the best recipes you can find online (here's a hint: Pinterest and Allrecipes.com). Maybe an essay about the pros and cons of living in an apartment versus a house, or renting versus buying? So many options to choose from, so little time. I love writing, and thinking of new things to take out of my mind and put down in words. I don't get to do that as near often as I'd like anymore, with other demands on my time, but perhaps another night I will sit down at the computer and type out a story, just to see where it takes us. Good night, until then.

Here come the Pesach Blues...

I do not look forward to cleaning for Pesach this year. Between dealing with a toddler in the Terrible two stage, who is likely to throw a tantrum at the slightest perceived offense, and handling an almost 2 month old who also has needs that have to be met, pesach cleaning will take at least twice as long as it needs to. Oh, and this year, since YE is now walking I have to be a lot more thorough in my cleaning because there are cookie crumbs EVERYWHERE...in the weirdest places too. (Excuse me while I unstick YE's car from a toy ramp for the thousandth time...)

Due Dates

Can't believe how fast the time has flown by! My due date is only 5 weeks away, and YE is now 21 months old! As I type this post I'm watching him and another neighbor's boy, though this child is about 9 months younger than YE. I watch them interact and wonder if that's how YE will interact with his new sibling? How will YE react to having a baby around 24/7 and Mommy having divide her attention? I sometimes wonder how ready I am for this, and then I remember...how ready was I when YE was born? Many people have done it, many people continue to do it, and it can be done.

I'm pregnant again :) Haven't really been telling people, even though I'm almost 5 months along. This time I haven't gained as much weight (eating a lot less than last time, then I had pigged out) and wearing much looser clothes, so it's not as obvious. For the past 2-3 nights I've been dreaming about babies. In one, I was going to the doctor to have my baby. But I had 2 babies in me, but one of them wasn't due for a few months after, so i would give birth to one now, and then one later. In the dream it made perfect sense; in reality...that's a different matter. The other dream I can recall, I was delivering babies. Not my own, other women's. I was a midwife or something and I literally had a line of women waiting for me to deliver their babies. And the babies came out all nice and clean and pink. No blood or anything. One of the boy babies started peeing everywhere as soon as it was born and I had to yell for a diaper. There was a third dream, but I can't recall it at the moment.
 Watching a neighbor's toddler right now, he's about a month younger than YE, but it's nice that they're so close in age and YE has someone to play with. Even if the other child does keep stealing YE's cookies. On another note, I can't believe YE is already a toddler, and he'll be 18 months in just 2 weeks. Time just flies by, doesn't it? As an example; we like to take him to B&N, and he loves to go to the children's section to play with the trains. As he was walking over there, he made a detour into one of the aisles, picked up a book that was on the floor and put it back on the shelf! It's so cute to see him do that!! He is also very into cars, trains, trucks, motorcycles...pretty much anything with wheels on it. He is SUCH a boy.
Okay, I think I've run out of things to say (for now). I'll post again, though I'm not sure when. Hopefully the posts will be closer together than they have been. Thanks for not giving up on me!

Getting back to Posting and what happened while I was away

OK, been a while since I've written here, so bear with me for a moment. I'm just a tad thrown by Google's new format for Blogger. I can't believe how much time has flown by. I graduated with a BA in psychology in December, and in February celebrated my baby's first birthday and my second anniversary. Now it's almost Purim and my husband's birthday (which falls on Purim this year) In the past few months I've gone to two of my brothers in law' weddings, and now have sisters in law, finally.My husband said I should start posting again, I completely agree, but I think doing it in the dark was not such a great idea on my part. And I don;t want to turn on the light and risk waking the baby.  That's enough for tonight I think, till next time!

My little boy

He loves standing, and empty cups, and slapping on the wood just to here the noise. He's discovered he can grab things, and affect the world around him. He knows if he cries, he'll be taken care of. He's found that spoons and bowls can be fun to play with, but he doesn't care for the food in them. He's found that water is fun and wet, and doggies are warm, wet and furry. Every day is a new experience, everything is new, never before seen. He smiles at everyone, because for him, the world is a wonderful place. He may learn differently when he gets older, but for now, he has his mom and dad, and he smiles. I love my little boy.

Just Something I Wrote

Blah Blah Blah, that’s all you have to say. Nothing of real substance, just fluffy little thoughts that pop into your fluffy little head. You talk about clothes, and the latest fashions, who’s going where with whom. Forget about politics, the world economy, or anything outside of your little bubble, it’s all about you and what you think is important. Whenever I would try to steer the conversation to a different track, you’d completely run over me as if I hadn’t even opened my mouth. What is it with you? Are you really that vapid? I remember when I first met you, how worldly I thought you were. After a month of knowing you, now I think I was mistaken. I can’t take it in more! Your world is too small, too confined for my tastes. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can stay cooped up in that little bubble. It was nice knowing you, but I think I’ll go to wider pastures.

Note: This is not to anyone I actually know, I just wrote whatever came into my head. So please don;t take offense!

The Shidduch Blogosphere

My husband, perusing the blogosphere, exclaimed, "Why are there still so many shidduch blogs?! We're married, that should be the end of it!" I laughed, and asked him, " Really? The shidduch crisis should end just cause we're married?" "Yes!"
Now clearly, he wasn't being serious, but it made me think. There seem to be, to me at least, both more and less shidduch blogs out there. More; because I have found some shidduch blogs that cropped up since we've gotten married; such as: Masculine Jew, Stuck in shidduchim, and Life after Stern College. Then there are the bloggers who've gotten married such as Bas melech, the Babysitter, and Frum N' Flipping. Of course, my blog never really counted among the shidduch blogs, because I didn't really date...and of course I ended up meeting my husband through our blogs, so it never really mattered. But sometimes, reading these blogs makes me look at my cooing little son and wonder what he's in for twenty-something years down the road. A while to go, I know, but still, it does makes one think...

On Becoming A Mommy

My son is now 3 months old, which, for me at least, is hard to believe. Three months flew by so fast! In some ways, being a mother is a lot easier than I expected, in others, harder. Fortunately, my little boy is incredibly easygoing for the majority of the time, good with being held by others (not just me and my husband). He's a pretty good sleeper, though still waking up once at night to eat, but has started sleeping longer. My challenge right now is to get him to sleep in his crib. I never would have believed how much having a child changed my life. Now it takes longer to get in and out of the car, longer to get places, can't always sleep as long as I want...etc. As time goes past, he can do more things and I marvel. I can't wait to see all the things he'll start doing soon, but at the same time, I treasure every moment, because he won't stay this small forever.

On another, unrelated, note, I will try to be posting more. I hadn't been before because my computer died on me. Now that I have a new one and am itching to use it, there will be more posts!

First Doctor visit

Yesterday was Little One's first visit to the doctor...unfortunately, I forgot the diaper bag at home and had nothing but the baby with us. We asked if they had extra diapers before we took his off...good thing. He was in the middle of pooping and pooped all over the table and got some on mommy. He then proceeded to pee all over himself...TWICE!! My dh and I started cracking up, and cleaned up. Fortunately, after that, the visit was uneventful, and amazingly Little One is already almost back to his birth weight! Just one oz away from it. Next time bringing the diaper bag no matter what!!

Are You Ready For This?

My father asked me this when I got pregnant, and again after the baby was born. It's been 6 days now, and my response is: Is ANYONE ever ready for parenthood? Really and truly? It's so unlike anything else, unlike any previous experience. You have this tiny creature who is reliant entirely upon you for his every need 24/7. And yet, when you look at him, it makes your heart melt, whether it's 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning. Our little boy came into the world via c-section on February 16, 2011, at 9 lbs. and 2 oz. He is so incredibly cute, and my husband and I are head over heels for him. What a blessing he is. Even though I'm getting nowhere near enough sleep, it's all worth it. I love him to pieces.

Memories

I was looking through my gmail account, and I ran across my first conversations with my husband. Re-reading them made me smile, as I think back. When we first started talking, I never would have believed we would end up married. We were too different, or so I thought. But as we got to know each other, and especially once we met in person, I realized we weren't as different as I had first believed. In fact, in many ways we were incredibly alike. So when my husband asked me out, I was more than willing to give him a chance. Yes, our dating was not typical...but then again, neither are we. Now here we sit, two and a half years later, with our one year anniversary just around the corner. The surprises life can bring!!

Dreams

What is my subconscious trying to tell me when in most, if not all, my driving dreams involve me being either in the passenger seat and driving, or the backseat and driving? If I was to interpret my dreams like Freud or Jung would do so, I would say that my subconscious is telling me I feel out of control, like I need to get my life back. Is this true? I honestly couldn't tell you. Right now, my conscious mind is feeling perfectly content with my situation, but who knows what bubbles beneath the surface? My dream the other night involved me driving from the backseat of my car and getting pulled over (twice!) by cops because I kept missing lights. The headrest on the driver's seat was blocking my vision. Each time I was let off with a warning, and after the second time I was sick of being pulled over and figured it would be best to drive from the driver's seat. And then Mariner somehow appeared in the dream...and it kinda went vague from there. Although I think I recall him being dressed up in a clown costume in our kitchen...but then, if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know how my dreams can go weird. But still, backseat driving....something to think about, or just my crazy imagination acting up again? The world may never know...

Yom Kippur

Admittedly, I have not been posting much lately, either too busy, or simply can't think of anything worthwhile that I have to say. However, on this erev Yom Kippur , I would like to request forgiveness, and wish everyone a G'mar Chasima Tova and wish everyone an easy fast. May we all be inspired and be granted an amazing year!

Writing Prompt

It’s a late summer night, the air humid, not a breeze to be felt. Two boys loiter in front of the local pool, lounging around, trying to look cool dragging a smoke on their cigarettes. Despite the muggy air, they don’t go back to the air conditioned pool room. They are waiting for someone, possibly several someones, they are not sure which. Their contact had not been very specific with them.

The boys are nothing special to look at. Two young men in their early twenties, one blonde, the other dark, neither overly tall nor too short, nothing to mark them as being out of the ordinary. Nothing to show that they were more than just a pair of slackers, wasting another Saturday night. The blonde shifted from foot to foot nervously, which annoyed his companion to no end. “Will you stop that?!” he snapped, quietly. “You act like you’re a fresh greenie, not a seasoned agent.” He sniffed disdainfully, and took another drag at his smoke.

“Well excuse me for breathing,” his companion muttered. “They’re late, and I’m melting in a puddle of my own sweat. Do you even have any idea who we’re looking for?” He nervously sucked on the end of his cig, almost succeeding in burning his tongue.

The blonde roiled his eyes at his compatriot’s stupidity, but answered his question readily enough. “Actually, I managed to get a name out of our contact before he broke off the message.” He smirked, feeling very superior. “One Isaac Dell is who we are meeting. Tall guy, around 6’5, hard to miss.”

“Huh. Isaac Dell? It’s been a while since I heard that name. He was pretty religious once, you know. But he gave it up, said it was too restricting, that he’d rather ‘live life to the fullest’, then be held back by chains of tradition.” He took a thoughtful drag on his cig, and blew out a smoke ring. “Funny, never thought I’d see him here though.”

Tisha B'Av

Not one of my favorite holidays, I'll admit. Fasting for around 25 hours? I don't fast well on even short fasts, and this one is killer. True, you should be sitting in shul, or wherever, and thinking of all the horrible things that have happened to the Jewish people throughout history. However, I can't usually get out of my own misery long enough to do much commiserating. Anyways, hope that everyone has an easy fast!

Ocean-Blue

Don't you love impulse purchases? You know, when you see something you decide you just really want and can't live without it? Whether it be shoes, books, or even pets...Y'see today my husband and I went to Petco (due to my begging) and we were right next door to it. As we walked in, we were greeted by the sight of these pretty little budgies flying around in a glass enclosure. My hubby turned to me and said, "Should we get one?" I, of course, was thrilled with the idea, and now we own a little teal colored budgie named Ocean Blue, Blue for short. Here's a couple of pics of him!

Music and Pictures!

My husband bought me a iPod for my birthday (If you are a longtime reader of my blog you may recall I had one...it works when it feels like it.) Combining music he had on his hard-drive, and music CJ had on her iPod, I now have 13000 songs on my ipod, including several audio books. As my husband says, I'm addicted to music, and so this makes me VERY happy.
My father got me a camera for my birthday. My other one is still working, I just wanted a newer one that worked slightly better. Here are a few pictures that I took with it!

Story: Prisoners

Haven't posted in a while, but not in the mood to type up a whole post now. Instead, I'm gonna post a lil something I wrote a while ago. Hope you enjoy!

As the submarine slowly sank into the water, and then under, I stared out the porthole watching as the scenery turned from clear air to murky water. Fish swam by, completely unconcerned by the huge machine that had invaded their environment. Turning away from the port-hole, I turned to view what would be our home for who knew how long. It was dark, only slightly lit by a low hanging light, and almost completely empty, barring the beds.

I looked at my fellow passengers. Though at this point, fellow prisoners was a better term. None of us had planned to go on this journey, and we had all been thrown together by our captors. Why us, why this specific group of people, we still didn’t know, but I suspected we would by the time we arrived at our destination.

The man who stood closest to me, Charles Vermier, was a tall man, and looked to be in his early forties. Blond and blue eyed with strong features, he had a bearing that spoke of time spent in the Navy. He was quiet, and had barely spoken five words since he had found himself in our company. The strong, quiet brooding type I supposed.

Shrugging inwardly, I turned my eyes toward the petite red-head standing next to Charles, Violet Pren. She with the large blue eyes and full mouth, and rather put me in mind of a fragile china doll. What she brought to this group I had not the first idea, since she was a tiny delicate looking thing. Perhaps she had hidden depths that only our “employers” knew of. She seemed nervous and timid. Though given our situation, I couldn’t really blame her.

Across from her, leaning against a wall and looking entirely unconcerned was my brother, Merlin. Small, with dark curly hair a quick dark eyes, he put one in mind of the bird of his namesake. He appeared to be taking this entirely calmly, but I knew him better than that. Had it been just us, he would have not felt the need to put on a mask and would have been pacing back and forth in the small space we had been allotted, driving me crazy.

And then of course, there’s me, Osprey, the last of our little group. I glanced at my reflection from the porthole, also dark hair, but straight where Merlin’s was curly, and quite a bit longer. Dark brown eyes framed by long lashes with a sprinkling of freckles across my cheeks. Though I tried hard to appear calm on the outside, I feared I was failing miserably, for I could feel myself shaking. I’m not fond of enclosed spaces at the best of times, and this was a scenario out of my worst nightmare. We were trapped in a small space for an unspecified amount of time with complete strangers. We had no idea where we were going, had no way to contact the outside world. Who knew what our imprisoners had in mind for us? I drew in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. That drew a sharp look from Merlin, he knew how I felt about enclosed spaces. Not that I was claustrophobic, I had just had…a bad experience with them. His eyebrows knotted in concern. I shook my head at him, I would be fine. Really. If I wasn’t….that didn’t bear thinking about.